Saturday, December 31, 2011

One Week!

We leave for vacation in one week!  Flying down to my home away from home...  Walt Disney World!  This will be the first official stay utilizing our vacation club points at The Beach Club Villas.  This will also be the first vacation at Disney in January.  I have heard good things about the low crowd levels during this time of the year although the first few days of our stay are during a marathon weekend.


Who can argue with a view like this?  The first time we stayed at this resort in 2008 it totally changed how we like to vacation.  You can be more relaxed and take the time to enjoy little things.  Being able to walk to two of the parks is a huge plus for me.  Having Epcot in my back yard has brought a heightened appreciation for the park.  There are more 'little' things to enjoy and not having to spend time riding a bus to get there lets you slow down to appreciate them.

I think the simplest perk I am looking forward to is the ability to get up and go for a walk around Crescent Lake.  An early morning stroll is always so relaxing and a stop at the Boardwalk Bakery for coffee is the best way to start a day.  I will have to convince my wife that all the stopping to take pictures is a good thing.

Now to start working on getting everything ready...

Friday, December 30, 2011

The Year Concludes

The year is almost over and I am realizing that this blog has been silent for almost 6 weeks.  I have let my interest in photography consume me to an almost exclusion of everything else.  I need to learn some balance.  There are books I need to be finishing, games that have to be completed (or started considering the next game's arrival soon - looking at you FF XIII!) and a gym membership that needs to become my friend after all the holiday eating!

Over the holiday break I dove back into some gaming, giving my portable systems some love (DSi and PSP).  I think I was just getting them prepped for my vacation in 7 days.  I always travel with them to help distract me on long flights and I didn't want them to feel used.  I'm close to finally finishing Tactics Ogre on the PSP and there are a few of the free downloads I haven't even touched yet.  On the DSi I am always consumed with Civ Revolutions even though I have a few games on stand-by.  Is it a cliche to say 'time to make time'?

There is also a few things that need to be attended to on the consoles.  Bastion on the Xbox isn't going to finish itself and Plants vs Zombies on the PS3 is almost over.  This might be a tough time considering the kids have new games they are playing and sharing is always an interesting proposition.  I can't always kick them off even though dad should be allowed to.

As I mentioned above I need to get to work on Final Fantasy XIII now that XIII-2 is almost upon us.  I'm sure it will be released before I can manage to complete the original.  I think I avoided this game because of all the negative comments and I should let it stand on it's own  I haven't always agreed with reviews or comments in the past so why I let them cloud my thinking I'll never know.  Sticking with the PS3, I loved the original Dragon's Age game.  I've played through that one numerous times and the DLC and expansion pack where great too.  I just didn't fall in love with the demo for Dragon's Age 2, so this is another of those games that I need to consider.  I'll need to plan my backlog because I still need to pick up Uncharted 3!  OMG...  good thing it is winter, I get the most of my gaming done when it is cold!



Saturday, November 12, 2011

A New Adventure

Today I started my new adventure - a 365 day photography project.  I'm using this project to motivate me to get out everyday and take pictures.  I then will post one of the pictures to Google+ for the project group to see.  Hopefully in the process I will learn some more about photography and I'll probably learn quite a bit more about myself.

I have been doing a lot more with my camera, exploring different styles and learning what its capabilities are.  I've been on the fence about this project for a few weeks but decided it was time to quit making excuses about why I should start one and just do it!  I have to admit I was encouraged by the amount of people on Google+ who I am following that are on a similar journey.  Those pictures and the user interaction they receive helped me jump off the fence.

To add another dimension to this project and give me a place to explore a little about photography I created another blog to record my adventure.  It can be found at Picture Day Blog.  Stop by and see how I'm doing (today is the first day so it will be a little sparse!).

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A Little History


I would almost call it a landmark but I doubt most people are even aware of what it is.  It is something I have passed probably a dozen times or more each year since I moved to the Mohawk Valley 21 years ago.  You can see it as you drive along Mill St., from Martin St. to East Dominick St.  You might notice it among the southern skyline of Rome, NY as you drive along Route 365.  And lately I have become fascinated with photographing it.

It is the water tower from the old General Cable Corporation facilities next to the NY State Barge Canal just off of Mill St. in Rome, NY.  It is old, weathered and a little worse for wear but I have been having a great time trying to capture unique images of it.  It started a couple of weeks ago when I went down to get photographs of the spillway were the Mohawk River empties into the Barge Canal.  Before I could even get to my destination I was captured by the presence of this water tower.


This is the first picture I took that evening.  I don't think the name and logo even registered with me at the time.  I was enthralled by the tower and my plans for the evening changed immediately.  I was on a new mission.  To see what images I could get and how I could best capture this lonely sentinel.

I grabbed a few more pictures from across the street and then I headed down to the spillway.  I was able to get a few distant pictures using the trees from the park to frame the water tower.  I was trying different things and actually came home with more 'keepers' than I anticipated.


It wasn't until I was able to upload the pictures to my PC and start processing them that I noticed the name on the tower, General Cable.  A quick internet search provided me with a little more information and a few more days of digging produced some really interesting facts.

  • General Cable Corporation was incorporated in 1927 in New Jersey.  It brought together facilities from various companies started in the late 1800's; Phillips Wire and Safety Cable Company, Rome Wire Company and Standard Underground Cable.
  • Rome Wire Company developed the Romex ® brand of non-metallic building wire in 1922.
  • Rome Wire Company was built near the New York Central and Ontario & Western railroad lines and had direct dockage on the New York State Barge Canal.
The water tower still holds a fascination for me.  Every time we have an interesting sunset or the sky has wonderful clouds I want to run down to south Rome and see what image I can find with this water tower.  Just the other night the moon was just about right in the evening sky so I drove down to the park across the street and was able to capture this:


I'm sure everyone else will be tired of me photographing the General Cable water tower but for now I'll be making a regular run by it to see what I can capture...

Saturday, November 5, 2011

It's the Light

It is interesting to think about how my perception of the world is changing the more I explore photography.  The other night I shared a post on Google+ from Sandra Parlow.  She was answering a question posed by Levi Moore, 'What was life like, before photography, for you?' and her answer mirrored a lot of thoughts I have been having.  Here is Sandra's original post...  What was life before photography...


And her list...


  • Not noticing which way the wind was blowing.
  • Not noticing the clouds and the way the light bounced and reflected off them.
  • Not noticing the birds sitting on a wire singing their song.
  • Not noticing that one lone tree standing in a field all by itself.
  • Not noticing the way the water runs over the rocks.
  • Not noticing the mysterious and beautiful nature of fog.
  • Not really looking at the colors of the leaves on the trees.
  • Not looking at the scraggly flowers or even paying attention to the tiny details of the beautiful ones.
  • Not knowing that spending an hour alone in a field listening to the hawks cry could restore my peace of mind.
  • Not noticing the smallest details and textures of things I saw every day.
  • Not using my senses the way I should have been.



I agree completely with the concept of this list.  I am aware of everything now, or at least a lot more of what is around me.  I'm always looking to see if I should stop the car and take a picture, or if what I'm seeing would be a cool image.  I'm noticing the wonderful detail in everything and I find myself always thinking how I would position the camera to capture it best.  It's amazing out there...  and I'm just starting to enjoy it.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

This or that

Yesterday was a rainy, lazy, stay inside kind of day.  I hadn't planned it to be that way, but once the weather kicked in full force I didn't have much choice.  My wife and daughter had left to visit my mother-in-law and wouldn't be home until Sunday.  Even though I had to work on a database most of Sunday morning, I thought Saturday afternoon would be all mine to go exploring.  There were a few places fairly close to the house that I was sure would provide me with some great pictures.  Oh well, best laid plans...

I decided to get a few things done around the house and then I sat down to watch some of the shows queued up on the DVR.  The rain was beating against the front window and when I turned to catch a glimpse of the show outside, this is what I saw.


I liked the way the rain distorted my view of the burning bush and thought if I could find an angle that didn't have any window glare I would have a decent picture.  It took more than one click before I achieved the picture I was hoping for.  I think it turned out OK.

Now this isn't exactly the picture I took with the camera.  I played with a few of the image settings in Adobe Photoshop's Lightroom.  Here is what came out of the camera.


There is some processing done by the camera because it saves in JPEG format but it wasn't the way I wanted it to be.  The image was a little too bright so it needed to darkened and sharpened.  I also increased the clarity and added a little to the saturation level.  The original wasn't bad but I just couldn't get it there with the camera settings.

I'm no expert and I'm sure I have 'ruined' more images than I have 'fixed' but the fun is in the trying.  Still learning so hopefully you will see an improvement as I continue.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Google Plus and Photography

I was lucky enough to get on Google Plus when it was still in beta.  I wasn't sure what it would do for me, I mean, what did I need another social network for.  Well, it is basically the only social network I have been using for the past couple of months.

I happened to join around the same time I was getting interested in photography.  I had been posting pictures of vacations and family events on FB but that wasn't much more than point & shoot.  To be honest it was the only photography I knew for years.  Don't get me wrong, I used the camera, sometimes to excess.  I could come home from a vacation, especially from Disney, with five to six hundred pictures.  But it really was quantity over quality.

Being the Disney fanatic (addict?) that I am, eventually I came across two very important Disney web sites/blogs that started me down this new path I am following.  The first was WDW Photography (which is now the Disney Photography Blog) created by Adam Hansen and Cory Disbrow.  And then through that site I found The Disney Tourist Blog created by Tom & Sarah Bricker.  Both of these sites opened my eyes to what a Disney photograph could be.  I would pour over those sites lost in each image, wishing my pictures would be as nice.  Now, my pictures hold a lot of memories for me and I would never delete them, but the pictures on these sites prompted me to learn more.

I started playing with my camera (a Sony DSC-H20).  I discovered the camera was capable of a lot more than I ever imagined.  At first I got lost in the available settings and I struggled with getting the camera to work for me.  And then, again thanks to my new favorite websites, I purchased my first photography book.  I believe it was in a post by Tom Bricker about recommended reading which pointed me to Bryan Peterson's Understanding Exposure.  What an eye opener!  Finally, the settings started to make sense to me. I quit trying to manipulate everything and focused on two or three key settings.  My pictures started to improve.  I was hooked.

Now this gets me back to where I started with this post, Google Plus (G+).  I'm not sure how it really started but I stumbled across some photographers (I'm fairly sure the first was a recommendation by one of the 3 photographers mentioned above).  And since G+ allows you to follow people by placing them in a circle without a requirement for reciprocity, it allowed me look through the window into a whole new world.  I must have been fairly lucky with those first few photographers I circled.  Not only were they posting amazing pictures they would recommend other photographers to follow.  My circle grew.

Eventually, I opened the window and climbed through.  I started posting more.  I was even confident enough with a few of my pictures to post them out to the public stream.  It was a little addicting.  I discovered there are many different types of photography; landscape, portrait, macro (a new favorite), etc.  I found that you could accomplish some amazing pictures by enhancing them in post processing (I went a little overboard with that at first, but I have it under control now!).  By seeing the various styles and types of images flowing through my stream it encouraged me to experiment more with what I was photographing.  I have been taking my camera with me everywhere I go, just on the off chance I would see an image I wanted to capture.

It all exploded a couple of weeks ago...  G+ allowed you to share your circles.  I few of the photographers I was following (favorites, whose pictures I really enjoyed) shared their circles.  I was a little overwhelmed!  I only added two complete circles and then sat back to watch the new images coming rolling in.  It was great. I needed to dial it back a little though.  I refused to add any more of the numerous circles that were being posted.  Instead I went back to my old method, if someone I followed recommended a photographer I would check out their profile and see if they were doing the type of work that interested me.  I still add a few new people a day but it more manageable this way.

The other great event that occurred, which has really helped me learn photography, was the creation of daily themes.  Photographer Eric Leslie maintains a list of the daily photographic themes.  Each theme is curated by one or more photographers and anyone is welcomed to post an appropriate picture with the hash tag for the theme.  It allows anyone to view the pictures by searching for the tag and is a great way to interact with others.  For me it is a great way to challenge myself to try different images.  I find myself actually thinking about what I want to photograph and planning when/were/how to get the image for a particular theme.  I think it has helped me improve my camera skills tremendously in a very short time.  I can't describe the feeling I get when other people comment on an image I've shared.  It is a little intoxicating...

Time to go see what I can find with my camera...  later.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

You just have to get out there...

I've realized there is no better way to improve my photography skills than just getting out there and taking pictures.  I have been spending a lot of time on Google+ because of the great interaction I find there.  Also, it has attracted a lot of photographers and I find viewing their posts spurs my interest in photography.  The one thing I notice from all those great people is that they are out using their camera everyday.  For some of them it is their job, but I don't think that is what motivates them.  For most I think it is a desire to create and express themselves.

I have noticed a change in how I see the world.  I find myself looking for that interesting image I can capture with my camera.  I am seeing them everywhere.  I don't always have the time to stop and take the picture but I try to bookmark the location in my mind so I can come back to it later.  I have started bringing my camera with me when I leave the house.  It is in the seat next to me as I drive to work.  I bring it into my office, 'just in case...'  I'm sure sooner or later someone at work will ask my to leave it in the car.

So, last Friday, rather then go out to lunch I decided to drive up the road to the town park.  It was windy and overcast but the sun was fighting its way through the clouds.  I walked around the park looking for anything that caught my eye.  Here is what I found:








I'm still learning and have a long way to go, but I'm having fun doing it and I guess that is all that really matters.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

More Photography

I signed up for Google+ a few months ago while it was still in beta preview.  I was able to wrangle an invite from a cousin-in-law.  I was interesting and different with a few nice features, but what did I need another social network for, I was already on FB, Twitter, ...  Then I found the photographers!

I do have to give Google+ some credit. I think their photo sharing is top notch.  As a result of this I believe photographers and visual artists have flocked to the service in huge waves.  Anyway, I started 'circling' a few photographers and as they mentioned others I circled them too if their photos were to my liking.  My list continues to grow everyday and I find more talented people sharing their creative output on G+.

Another funny thing happened...  my interest in photography, already starting to grow, took a big leap forward. Maybe it is the result of seeing all the incredible images and maybe it is due to this themed photo day that is happening on G+.  I dipped my toe in last week when it was 'Waterfall Wednesday'.  I was hooked.  'Flower Friday' was next and then 'Sunset Saturday'.  Yesterday was 'Macro Monday', which was a form I never saw much interest in before.  I have found this type of photography to be a lot of fun.  I see opportunities everywhere and I find myself thinking up settings to try.

Take a look at some of my latest pics...









Monday, August 15, 2011

Still playing but I think getting better...

I'm trying to be a sponge by reading a lot of stuff about photography.  Trouble is I think the sponge has too many holes to hold anything.  I'll keep going though.  Sooner or later something has to stick.

I know working with non-RAW image files from my point & shoot camera will not yield the same type of pictures as I have been admiring on the web but the experience of playing with the different software is worth it.  I do not want to over do the HDR image but I think it is very cool at making the images 'pop' under the right circumstance.  Here is another exposure I played with...


Today while I was reading through the posts on Google+ I came across a picture by Tom Bricker of the Dumbo attraction at Disney.  I believe he was going for a sense of movement with the static foreground and the blur of the Dumbo vehicles in the background.  While sitting in my garage cooking dinner on the grill I had an idea to do something similar.  It was raining out and as the cars passed by the cloud of rain that followed them was interesting.  Here is my attempt...



The other aspect of photography that I a learning is very important is the post processing on your images.  I downloaded a trial copy of Adobe Lightroom to see what I can do and to determine if it is one of the tools I should have.  My first couple of attempts were not that successful, but I think these two pics turned out OK.



And yes, taking pics from around my house, the clouds are a favorite subject.  I thought the two above were interesting.  I hope I didn't ruin them but 'adjusting' them...

Friday, August 12, 2011

Post Processing

I've been reading online again...  never sure if that is a good or bad thing.

This time it was about post production on photographs.  Who knew?  I also went with the pictures that came out of the camera.  Oh, I might have done a little cropping here, or simple adjustments there, but never any serious work on my pictures.  I think it will be cheaper to go back to school so I can get the student discount for some of this software!  But for now I'm playing with the trial versions to get a feel for the process.  I definitely need some tutorials or a book to help me out.

The one big name that keeps popping up on the websites I have been visiting is Adobe Photoshop.  I'm not sure I'm ready for the big boy just yet, partly due to only having a point & shoot camera that saves JPEG files.  I have downloaded the Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 3 program.  Seems very easy to use (once I understand all the options).  I have 30 days to see what it (or I) can do.  After that I need to find a student who can buy it for me... lol.

Here is my first post production image.  Not sure what I was going for or what I accomplished, but it was fun playing around with the software.


Here is another...


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Photography

I've started playing with my digital camera.  I have always enjoyed taking pictures and as my wife can attest I do a pretty good job filling up the memory card when we are on vacation.  I have always used a point and shoot camera never giving much thought to what else could be done.  I found myself recently being marveled by pictures people have taken at Disney World.  Being the 'fan' that I am there are quite a few sites and podcasts that I listen to and the topic of photography has popped up on quite a few of them recently.  I guess it sparked an interest...

Here are some of my 'playing around' images:









I started reading Bryan Peterson's Understanding Exposure, which has my head swimming but has also increased my interest.  I'm sure it will take a couple of readings before it all sinks in but I think it will make a difference.  My next step is to invest in a different camera.  I was going to say better but my 'little' camera does a really good job and by understanding how to truly use it I have taken some very cool pics (IMHO!).  What I would like to do is get a camera that allows me more control and options.  Still investigating and learning, so for now I'll keep playing around with the camera I have.

Monday, August 1, 2011

inFamous 2

inFamous 2 was as good as I hoped.  I finished my first play through on Sunday.  I ended up playing the first game twice to experience both side of the story.  I finished the first play of the second game as the hero and I'm currently working through again as a thug.


The improvement to the visuals was amazing.  I'm always impressed with the look of current games as long as it doesn't hold the game play back.  That really didn't happen with this game.  There were still a few control issues and hiccups but it really didn't affect my enjoyment.  At times it was like playing through a movie.  I really liked the addition of a few extra characters.  They added to the story but didn't complicate it too much.


Overall, both games are a lot of fun!  I'd be interested in another Sucker Punch game if it looks as good visually and is as unique...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

inFamous

 

I finished inFamous on Thursday night.  Great game!  I don't usually play shooters but this game had a story that kept me interested and after the past few games which definitely had more of a shooter feel to them this game was not that hard for me to play.  I would like to think it is because I am getting better at playing this style of game but I know that is far from the truth.  I was definitely helped out by the amount of save points and checkpoints throughout the game.  I also got the impression that the game took pity on me after a few failed attempts at a particularly difficult battle, it felt like it eased up on me.  I'm not complaining, I would rather have it do that and keep me playing then beat up on me until I walk away.


I think I am becoming a fan of the open-world design.  Being able to run around a big city, investigating or just looking for 'baddies' to beat up on was great fun.  It allowed me to slow down the game at times and get more comfortable with new items/powers and try to improve on controlling my character.  It was also really cool just to see the city.  The designers put a lot of effort into the look of the play field and I enjoyed exploring.


The first time through the game I chose to be the 'Hero' maybe I should play the game again going for the 'Infamous' title.  Might be fun to be bad the second time around.  

I have a few other games I should probably finish before I go off and buy inFamous 2 but I bet I'm playing it before the week is over.  It will be good to see where the story goes...



 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Lion King

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The Lion King broadway show is coming to Syracuse, NY this fall at the Crouse Hinds Theater.  My daughter brought home the ad from one of her teacher's papers earlier this week.  I was choosen to make the early morning trip to Syracuse to get in line at the box office for the 7am opening.  There was incentive, the first 100 people received a free Lion King CD.

I woke up at my normal workday time and hopped in the car for the hour drive into Syracuse.  Wasn't a bad morning and at 4am there really isn't much traffic.  I got to the box office just before 5am and was a little worried I was in the wrong location.  There were not many people around but once I saw the Lion King barricade set up along the building and spotted a few people standing near the door I knew I was in the right location.  I gathered up my line waiting supplies and headed over.  I was 5th in line!  Woo hoo!

The first couple of people in line had arrived the previous night at 10:30pm but I can only imagine what they thought all night long as the next person didn't show up until 4am.  Our little group grew slowly until around 6:15am when I finally noticed there were about 50 people waiting. One lady that arrived had even brought zucchini bread to share with everyone.

The wait was made enjoyable by some local radio stations that were setting up when I arrived.  Y94, B104 and Hot1079 (I assume all part of a broadcasting family) were playing some music, passing out Tim Hortons coffee and donuts, bottles of water, Nutri-Grain bars and fruit snacks.  They started drawing names they had collected from the people waiting in line for a free 10 minute massage and a chance to win some pretty cool prizes.  FYI - I didn't win!

At 7am they opened the doors to the box office and by 7:15am I was walking out with three tickets for a mezzanine box on October 1st.  None of us have been to a broadway show so we decided to do this one up right.  Now I just have to wait until October...  it's going to kill me!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Great article! Examining Epcot – The Germany Showcase | Progress City, U.S.A.

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Another great article from Michael Crawford at Progress City, U.S.A. A very detailed look at the Germany pavilion in Epcot's World Showcase which includes references to real world examples for the various buildings throughout the area. A lot of the features mentioned are the ones I generally photograph when I am in the pavilion.

On my last visit to WDW my wife and I spent a little more time near the fountain as we enjoyed a dessert from the Karamell-Kuche store. I really enjoy Epcot more once the sun goes down. The various areas take on a whole different look when the night time lighting is on. We sat just outside the Biergarten restaurant and even though it was cooler than I would have preferred, it was great to be amongst all that atmosphere. As we enjoyed the sugary confections I wished I had spent more time stopping and looking around at all the great details. Next visit for sure...

Monday, May 9, 2011

Check out BetaMouse

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If you are a technology geek and enjoy Disney then you need to check out BetaMouse.  The team has been producing a weekly podcast for a little over a year now and have covered topics that would interest just about everyone.  It's definitely not your normal podcast about Disney but there is a good chance you will learn something you never knew or will be introduced to some new tech/gadet/device that you will want.  It has quickly moved up to one of my top five podcasts I listen to every week.  Check them out, you won't be disappointed...

 

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Revisiting an old friend

Once I finished the Uncharted games I thought I would hop into the next game in my pile of unplayed titles.  I was looking at some of the PS3 games in that pile and was trying to decide if Neir or FFXIII was going to make the cut.

In a moment of pity for the Xbox360, which hasn't seen any action since I started with Uncharted months ago, I powered it up just to let it know I hadn't forgotten about it.  It was then I remembered I had picked up all the DLC for Fallout 3 and my fate was set.  I inserted the disc and jumped back into that wasteland of fun.  It only took a random encounter to get me back into the game play and the fun of watching things explode as I get a critical hit.  Ah, death and destruction in the early morning.

I'll try not be so single minded this time and spread the gaming time around to more of the unplayed games.  With summer getting here the actual time allotted for video games dwindles some, but that just means I have to be more creative with when and where...

I know I'm late to party, but here is the trailer for the Broken Steel DLC for Fallout 3: Fallout 3: Broken Steel Trailer.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

DisneyShawn: The Journey to Everest

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Shawn Slater has an Expedition Everest series going on over at his site http://disneyshawn.blogspot.com. This is one of those attractions were it is worth going through the stand-by line to explore the back story developed by the imagineers. The ride is one of my favorites and once you go through the village of Serka Zong on your way to the train you will have a whole new appreciation for the whole experience.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Finding my bookworm mode again

I have been hearing a lot of good talk online about a few recently published books and thought it would be a good time to get back into a reading mode.  I have been spending a lot of time playing video games and doing work related activities rather than pick up a book.  I decided it was time to get back to enjoying a good book and losing myself in the stories rather than watch TV.  So I just order two books which should be at my house early next week. 

The first book, 'Four Decades of Magic: Celebrating the First Forty Years of Disney World,' is a compilation of stories by numerous bloggers, podcasters and general Disney enthusiasts.  Chad Emerson, who wrote a great book on the process behind the land acquisitions for Walt Disney World, compiled the stories and published it through his company.  Most of the people who contributed are the same people who I read online so I am really looking forward to this one.

The second book, 'The Vault of Walt,' is by Jim Korkis, a Disney historian who has been sharing his stories on online for years through the Wade Sampson pen name.  He has also been known to frequent a few of the Disney podcasts and always manages to entertain and inform with his stories.  This is another book I have had my eye on for awhile.

Once I get a chance to read through these books I'll try to go even further out of my comfort zone and post a few thoughts about each.  Not going to promise anything insightful will come out of those thoughts or if I will follow through on the threat.